18 Months Later....
- Sylvia Woodham
- 8 minutes ago
- 3 min read
I shared this post about someone I have known for years and botched a budding connection. So what happened after this?
Nothing for 18 months. I have avoided him, scowled at him, and refused to interact with him. Crossing paths with him has been rare, and I have been fine with that. If he wants to hide out in Potsdam full time and not show his face in my office. Great. Because I have nothing to say to him.
However it doesn't stop me from being a positive member of the community and supporting other friends. Like last weekend our sport class trainer completed in a fitness competition, and another guy in the office, so I showed up to cheer for them. I also took pictures to share with the office.
The Office guy liked the photo of course... He made an attempt last month to repond to a post of mine. I didn't react. When he did actually appear in the office one day last month, he ran away again when I saw me. I did nothing except go to the coffee machine to get a coffee and then back to my desk. I didn't even look his way before he was gone again.
Absolutely I felt some kind of way about him being there. It's obviously much easier for me if he's not. I resolved the way I was going to feel was that there was no way forward without actual clearing the air, and that means actual honesty. Not revision history. However, I'm not focused on him. I haven't talkked to him for 18 months, clearly it's not a presence I NEED to have in my life, so I focus on the people who are in my life... (You know like that obnoxious 21 year old smug girl who doesn't know who she is to try to sit me down to complain that I take over conversations after a successful networking event where someone else in the group started telling everyone else how exciting my idea was. Seems like pure jealousy to me.)
Every month the office has a breakfast, and I have no been often. This week I planned to go between exams I'm monitoring for my lunch. The breakfast is from 10-12 and it varies how much is left afterward, so I was hedging my bets. It was a pleasant surprise that they had extra goodies this month, like prosecco, which I needed after a bout of cheating drama in the morning exam.
There was a rumor that they changed the coffee machine again, and we already protested the last time. This was the only thing I mentioned to HIM, as the first time I taled to him in 18 months, that I was annoyed. He knew I did lead the charge about the last complaint, not that he talked about it with me. I said I was annoyed, there was no fresh milk. "Well it's there in the fridge" but that's not steamed milk... and powdered milk is just nasty.
Following me clearly expressing my annoyance to him, then he tried to bring out more food. While I said that was nice, free brunch all day is nothing to be annoyed about at all, I made it clear it did not make up for the coffee machine. He even asked something along the lines if this gesture was enough to compensate.
That felt like there was clear subtext to the tension between us. What does he expect trying to be friendly to me, trying all of these friendly overtures when nothing has been addressed? I'm supposed to pretend like nothing happened? Or pretend like something happened and he avoided and wanted to pretend nothing happened? There is of course the question to how open would I be? Well definitely not open to business as usual without honest. That's a hard no for me. Apart from that, well for all he knows, I have other romantic options, and he maybe shouldn't expect me to me to hang around forever for him to get a clue.
In the evening, the sky was opening up, so rather than go home, I decided to take shelter in the office and finish off the prosecco. Because why not? Then a friend of mine was around, and the tall young (married) guy that has made the Office guy the most insecure. But I'm not going to walk on eggshells for this guy or pretend that the other guy and I are not good friends and always have high energy together talking about things. When everyone did leave for the night, I did send the text that "No, friendly gestures are not enough to clear the air between us. Only honest can do that."
What do you think he will do next? Do you think he'll continue being avoidant?
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