This is a post that is difficult to write, and I tend to stay away from details about my
life or family history. However I've seen some strange things said about my characters, and I have tried in the past to demonstrate that they reflect my life. However, I feel that there is a lot of context to put on the page.
Where to start? What to include? In my family, my parents sent me to a diverse school and told me not to treat any children differently, no matter how they looked. If they looked different than me, I should treat them the same. My parents grew up in segregated times, and my grandfather was the victim of racists because he was not. He had an ice cream company. His attitude as a German who was not associated with the third reich in any way and was in living in Germany during that time, was that all children needed ice cream. There were white supremacist groups with laws against that kind of thing who disagreed with him, and one morning he want to his business and they had destroyed thousands of dollars of ice cream trucks that put him out of business. In a town where that was the law of the land, what judge or insurance would grant him damages anyway?
I have talked with friends of multiple races about my family background, and I have recognised the ability that my mother had to leave that place that families of other races might not have had as easily. My mother did leave that place and she spent her career guiding and mentoring minority students in University who were part of inner city school systems that left them unprepared for an education that would lead to some career aspirations. She had students in university who could not add fractions wanting to take calculus to become architects. Even though it was hard for her to see, this was her favourite part of her career trying to help students get on career tracks that would be fulfilling, and doing her best to prepare them even if they had unprepared backgrounds. However, for me, growing up in that town was a third culture experience. We were in the minority.
There were also influences from my father's side of the family in prominent racial activists, who were part of our family holiday celebrations because the children were the same age as us, and while the older generation of grandparents have passed away, the parents who grew up during civil rights era, and experienced the trauma as children from what that entailed, are still influences today.
Because this is my background, I have had diverse friends throughout my life. I can look at decades of my life, from age 9, to age 18, to age 25, and find myself surrounded by some of my closest women friends from a variety of ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds. My aunt adopted my cousin from Cambodia, and we welcomed her into our lives. However, when she was 8, she started experiencing racial bullying at her school, and because my family experience was so far removed from that mentality, I was in shock that there were families who promoted that kind of behavior, particularly in that region where they were living.
When my cousin was thirteen, her mother and my mother both died. I was an adult and the grief was terrible, but she was still in her formative years. My family expressed some pressure that I bore some responsibility as an older female relative. Because I had so many women from diverse backgrounds who inspire me, and I look up to, and we have regularly had discussions about race and their experiences, I thought perhaps they could be mentors. I knew that my cousin might face challenges that I did not have the experience to navigate and wanted her to have that support and people who could talk to her about that experience, but I imagine despite my best intentions, it might have made her feel different. Without my mother or her mother around, it was difficult to know how best to approach or talk about things in the world. There was a blog article I found about the difference in minority families where there is more awareness and regular discussions to prepare children for these kinds of issues, that families who are no minorities are less practiced in discussing. My cousin has resented me sometimes, and sometimes she has also had emotional needs and expectations I have not been able to meet.
When I had finished my first completed novel, I was excited about a cast of characters based on many of these women who have meant so much to me, and had so many conversations with me on these topics. Some of my characters are love letters to some of these friends, and I wanted others to be excited with me to represent a background from my experience that maybe wasn't as common for others, or representing the kinds of experiences others have in their lives.