At the start of the summer, I posted how daily social group interaction of an in person course this summer was a big transition for me coming out of pandemic isolation. Another big transition/ goal has been health support - that took several months to get in place. I started in November trying to get started with a psychiatrist to help me feel more stable and deal with the anxiety and depression from chronic stress. In the spring I started trying to get into a sports medical weight loss centre, and that took months to start a new treatment that was interrupted by the pandemic. These are the updates I have to report. I've mentioned in previous posts some of my symptoms: Two years ago was a low point after 8 months of lockdown when I didn't see a purpose to life. I have had physical pain in my brain from the chronic stress, exhaustion from life. Finally all of these attempts to start getting medical support and treatment have paid off - it required a lot of tests. The Psychiatrist needed a full blood panel and an EKG. The sports medicine centre needed full blood panel, blood glucose fasting test, and electric impulse body composition. A month ago I got my first medication. Considering no one in my family has any experience with psychiatric meds, this has been a big transition, and I know nothing about the options. However, in the first week, I could physically feel the pain in my brain disappearing. We had a lot of questions - was it addictive? I researched how it worked to rebuild the neural architecture of the brain, and my father was concerned about that alteration. However, my perspective is the chemicals flooding my brain for years from chonic stress have already changed the neural architecture. I've been looking for a way to switch the brain architecture back, to heal from the toxic flood of stress hormones changing the way my brain was built. For the past several years I've had treatment from an endocrinologist for strain on my thyroid following major illness. I wasn't happy about it when it started, preferring a natureopathic way to help my thyroid health through nutrition. However, in the spring we had a bunch of baseline tests after I came off the medication, and the results showed the thyroid had finally healed and I no longer needed medication. That made me happy that my body was healing. My GP suggested to continue and promote ongoing thyroid health, I take iodine supplements.
The Sports medical center identified something about which I was already aware from tests in my early 20s: that I have insulin resistance. However the level of support they provided were significantly higher than the lack of answers or instructions I received earlier in life. He said this was genetic, and that wasn't even a topic to debate, but also a lot of free floating insulin in my blood (levels are five times the amount normal adults have), increase hunger. In his words, I would never stand a chance of losing weight, because high insulin levels make it impossible to moderate hunger correctly. He had specific suggestions about daily eating habits to try to lower the free floating insulin. Since I have a lot of experience with macronutrient breakdown, this wasn't new for me to understand, so I'm not going to include those details here.
He also identified that my B12 levels were low, and he identified a difficiency. B12 is also known as folic acid/ folate. When I researched what kind of impact a difficiency has, it was yet another piece to put into the puzzle of solutions for my health. Symptoms included depression and deep level of exhaustion. So far the results of all of these medical tests and treatments look like this: new psych meds helping my brain heal from floods of chronic stress hormones, iodine supplements, and B12 supplements which also decrease my deep exhaustion levels of feeling constantly run down.
That's an amazing start after a month of finally getting full blown treatment and medical support I worked all last year to have in place. I also joined a bike sharing platform and have increased my activity level by biking every day to the in person course - at least when the weather permits. In this first month I've already seen progress in the right direction of losing weight. Previously, my ass wouldn't fit in normal size seats. This month when I do sit in benches at transit stops, my ass fits without being squeezed between the arm rests. That's an amazing tangible change.
It feels incredibly motivating to feel and see changes. My depression and anxiety are nearly gone. What I can't seem to find yet is my confidence. I still feel a bit lost about what I should be doing next. Previously I had to work so hard just to reach a baseline of feeling ok - it would take days of self care, and it just wasn't manageable. So I finally feel like I can maintain a baseline where I feel emotionally stable, and that was my goal that I put all of that hard work into getting help. I think my father also starts to realize these were real medical issues. There are real medical diagnosis and treatments that can be applied to these symptoms. It was not just about me being lazy or not making decisions. I think it also countered the doctor's first comments. When the Sports Medicine doctor met me the first time, I was explaining how I couldn't take care of myself during the lockdowns because of my mental health, and he was trying to present an unhelpful point of view that it could be an opportunity to focus on yourself. I think when he saw the test results, it also helped him understand in my specific case there were medical factors that required treatment and support, and I wasn't just lazy or unmotivated.
Remember that when we get messages from the world about not meeting the norms or standards that are unrealistic expectations sometimes. I know personally that can increase the impatience and depression you have with yourself.