On Mental Health

Sylvia Woodham Mental Health

Now I can write about another topic that was happening over the holidays. In my new job, there was a diversity and disability training video where mental health was included as a disability, and technical support to help manage it was a solution able to be pursued. I had already met a representative on the disability council at the company, so I contacted him referencing this video. His response was that he was only concerned about "serious disabilities" and they were not providing a spa service.

Last winter I had the worst bout of PTSD I've ever experienced, taking me back ten years as though I was in the same raw emotions of deep cutting betrayal, isolation, and fear. It was completely debilitating. My therapist did document that for the drama that ensued in my house with a neighbor harassing me and writing untoward emails to the property managment calling me all kinds of names like there being something "wrong" with me. My therapist referenced this as a disability which is protected by law, and does interfere with normal daily activities in interruptive ways.

While I am doing better now that I was a year or a year and a half ago, it is a healing process, and I recognized that if there was support to manage over stimulation and triggers, it was something that could impede my job performance and I should seek out those tools.

Once I got the disability rep to take me seriously, he said to qualify I needed to have a disability assessment. I had already inquired about appointments with psychiatrists who could treat me and render this service, but it was not possible to schedule anything during the holidays.

And then it started happening. After months of positivity and being outgoing, to reduce conflict or group bullying which I've felt in other online environments, I had a first conflict. And then someone called me to ask me if I was aggressive, and I felt gauged up on. The next day I was completely distracted and could not work due to anxiety, and that week led to a series of stressful situations with no downtime to recover. And ended with a breakdown. I had to visit the psych clinic at the hospital for a medical stay at home order to recover.

The conversation I had with the psychiatrist on duty was frightening and did not help my anxiety at all. She did tell me about the bureaucratic steps to get the assessment and rank the disability for rights and protection. However, she said she was cynical about the amount of prejudice she saw her patients have, particularly in the interim. I have raised awareness at work objectively quantifying the issues that I struggle with: "perception" and "self-regulation." The number of times they ask why I can't just take a step back or react normally to circumstances. They certainly don't get it, and the number of pat "your mental health comes first" responses is nausiating.

Thankfully my job performance is taking off, so they can see if they leave me alone that don't trigger me, I am very good at the job. That's a relief and helps with my anxiety a lot. I thought if this problem just persists and I can never prove I am good at the job, then I am really at risk.

I am talking to career coaches now, finished two professional certifications and can update my resume and start applying for better jobs as planned as soon as the second certification comes. Finding a doctor to start the assessment process is a different issue.