I have been thinking about a lot of overlapping issues, since I write about gender relations as a theme that comes up in a few of my books. Some of the themes coming to mind are: interracial/ intercultural (not always the same, and sometimes have very different dynamiccs to consider), gender roles vs. gender energy.
I am not sure where to start. I have written previously about adult sapphic dating a little, and about themes which would be great to see in publishing.
One of my earlier posts gave a life overview of the emotional blockages I had growing up and dating. As an adult, I have dated A LOT. I never used online dating before living where I live currently. Even in other large major European cities, I have always been an outgoing introvert with no problem meeting people socially, flirting, exchanging numbers, and setting up a date. Sometimes, my emotional availability and emotional health in where those dating relationships went were not always geared or open to longer relationships. Part of that was because I was not where I wanted to live. It helps to reduce the number of obstacles to finding potential dating partners. If I have a must have of some shared faith background, that can also be limiting, without having to add that the potential romantic interest must also have a burning desire to move, relocate, live in Europe, and have a career that can be mobile. I have been through different stages of recognition and self-awareness, and try to be patient with myself on my own growth process, rather than a timeline of milestones I am supposed to reach.
In addition, I am bisexual and have experience dating men and women, and thoughts about why, for me personally, factors of emotional health and balance in a relationship comes before gender as a priority in a romantic interest. Some of those tie into gender dynamics and expectations of the prospective romantic interests I encounter, and as fixed personality, I tend to be unmoving and intolerant of being treated in a way that does not agree with my perspective about those things.
In my first WIP, the working title became Men and Women, one of the main character's arcs involve her healing from a toxic relationship with a man, but never being fully free of him, and realizing when she meets a few women who make her head spin, that it is not her only option in a path to find happiness. In my current WIP, I dive into the play of gender energies.
In terms of cultural background of people I have dated, except for growing up and having asexual relationships that were confusing and not defined, I have very rarely dated American men or women. That is an interesting dynamic to me in considering what constitutes cross-cultural dating. In fact, I dated one American man with a similar educational background as myself who was black. I cannot say I have ever dated a straight white American male, and find their cultural expectations not in line with mine, at all. Particularly living in Europe, if I meet a man who is American, immediately I know there is going to be a clash in cultural expectations, period. I have yet to be wrong about how that has played out. This is something I can explore in this series, though then the question is where cross-cultural versus interracial pose the most challenging or involved dynamics. I do find the degree which American purity and shame culture is foreign drastically increasing, and observing my past attempts to make them fit were not native or natural to me at all, as if it was a very foreign culture I was trying to adopt.
Some of the issues surrounding gender are rooted in my observations of my parents, in addition to my generation of professional women who are partnered with men who are supportive of their career, but with very little understanding about how if both partners are going out and having equal emotional and mental demands in their careers, that one carrying the burden at home fully of the emotional well being and tracking of the family unit has not been adjusted. There are more studies now, particularly in same gender relationships, of these unrealistic expectations, even if gender is removed. This is a dynamic I note or question in dating men from other cultures and their understanding how to view me as a woman.
I welcome comments on how to make these topics fruitful and productive as I share my experience, shared experiences of friends, as well as the discussion topics that we have, and articles we explore, within my social support network of adult professional women. There may be overlap, as I have suggested, when I try to create posts on each topic, because my experiences have not addressed or confronted these topics in isolation from one another. Hopefully it will be a fun journey!
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