We've all said it - people act differently when they get bahind a computer. But how much of this is true? In my experience, a lot of people who do not know how to relate to people in real life think getting behind a computer will fix their problems, and I am here to look at how those same issues are reflected online rather than hidden. Granted, if you can follow me, this is an in depth topic, where we know that marginalized people find ways to express themselves and be accepted online they do not experience. There are many things that can be healthy and restorative online, and there are many things that can be soul sucking. Many of us have learned how to weed out the latter and embrace the former, a constant process of setting boundaries and evaluating interactions and dynamics.
Having utelized online dating for several years, I have seen that many people's social handicaps are just as present online. So much so, in fact, that while I am good at reading people in person and being able to tell what their persona looks like, I have also been able to translate this online pretty well. Sometimes, just like in person, I wil give someone the benefit of the doubt until they are not deserving, despite seeing some personality issues I think might lead to drama.
Online, I feel that the truth of the matter is that none of us are that good at pretending, acting, or role playing, at least not in perpetunity. While I might want to be online for a short time to pretend I am someone or something else, it will not last, and who I am will fundamentally shine through. What do I mean by this? Well I am an independent bisexual woman, so even if I wanted to pretend to be a submissive straight woman, as soon as a behavior pattern or dynamic comes out that rubs my true nature the wrong way, it will shatter that, and I will not be able to pretend through the dynamic. This can go for people who go online to take out their anger or frustration and might not really give you a glimpse who they are on a regular basis.
One of the largest demographics I see in online social settings are awkward, whether it is nerdy, or whatnot, men. Awkward women may get online hoping to find more social bravery behind a computer, but I am less prone to have as many interactions with them than their male counterparts. As a woman online, you are in a minoroty, especially since many men create profiles online as women, so finding a woman online who is a woman behind the computer seems to be like hunting for a needle in a haystack. Nerdy guys who like computers are going to be the ones who the tech attracts, know how to use it, and think it can somehow also serve as their saving grace. It does not.
I am an outgoing confident person in real life, so I have no problems being outgoing and confident in online settings after so much experience. Just like in personal interactions, I am going to spot those who are not. I am not a mean person. As I said, I am friendly and outgoing, so I am not going to behave towards these people in a way that is mean to them about it. Until or less their true colors come through. Until like something happens to trigger my independent bisexual intolerance of being treated badly, something happens to trigger their insecurity and lack of confidence. And that leas to drama. In fact, in some ways they are the opposite of those marginalized individualized invididuals coming on line to have the freedom to express themselves. Those people are authentically themselves, not pretending to be someoen different with the computer protecting or saving them. Those people are more refreshing and easier to relate to online sometimes than the ones pretending to be the confident outgoing persona online when they can't back it up with that real life experience.
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